Feeling blues, but not Chelsea

Talking about relationship is a little bit complicated nowadays since one is not in a relationship, talking about it, is quite pointless.Nevertheless just bear with my thought and don’t worry,it won’t take long.

Recently, I read from somewhere that stated, based on psychological study,a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months.If it exceeds, you are already in love.Guessed I’m in one, then.

I don’t know how to explain it, as the situation is a little bit complicated.Let’s face it, they will always be.How to unravel those knots, I absolutely  don’t have any idea.

Time.Maybe time is the answer.Well, I have plenty of time actually.It’s not like I’m running out of time or anything.Time.That I can do.I’ve been doing it since like forever,adding a couple of days more shouldn’t cause any problems.

A friend told me, if you didn’t tell her, then she wouldn’t know.Maybe she’s right,maybe I should tell her.The cliche problem is, if it turns out well,then perfect,but if the things goes wrong.I might lose her forever.

Maybe I’m trying to play safe this time.Having her around, seems like boost my spirit and somehow provide a sunny day through my stormy night.It’s not like I’m having a bad day or anything to describe a storm might sounds like my life is disastrous.It was more like a summer, and she will be the breeze that make the picture so perfect.

I lose her once, and I’m not going to lose her now.Hey, no pain , no gain..it’s okay.gain I can wait, pain, its unbearable.When she look at me with those bright shining eyes, I was falling into it, every single time.Seems like the star wasn’t shining like they are suppose to.I know, maybe I’m not the best that she meet,but I know that I can be a constant lover.

Yeah that’s my flaws.I’m a very constant type of people.Somehow maybe that’s the reason I kept getting Bs in my examination, oh blimey.I was never a straight student nor I can managed to fail either.

1 thing I notice about her is, she like to pick a fight with me.I meant not fist to fist but, she like to irritate me.Somehow, it doesn’t work, hun.Cause I love every single words that come up from that small lip of yours.I kept repeating the scene when we are together and I can repeat every single things that you spoke of, I wished I could do the same thing with my lecturers :laugh:.

I know , I might seems like a little ignorant, I don’t reply those messages, because, because I really don’t know how should I act.You are in dilemma and I don’t want to be drag together in it.I’m tired of games, I’m tired of dramas, of the lies, the secrecy, the acting.That’s why, I kept this feeling to myself.

Shouting out aloud that I’m in love with you seems like it wasn’t the right thing to do at the moment.Sometimes, I wondered if I truly understood the meaning of the word love.My last relationship, was based on lust rather than love (because true love never end, only lust is :-P )that’s why it ends, Okay, I’m just joking.

I remembered our phone conversation last year, it was 365 days ago, but I remembered every single detail that we talked about.Both of us agreed that love need trust, and without it, all is lose.That’s what we trying to do, gained ‘their’ trust.We tried everything, honesty?, that’s only get us into more trouble. Tagging along in our social group?It will only increase the jealousy.Everything was in vain, so I come to the conclusion , why bother?

People said, love comes eventually, but to wait for such love might takes forever, so we need to find love.But sometimes, the love that we trying so hard to find, when we find, it might lost in the end.

The question is, is it worth it, to have something temporarily or you preferred not to have it at all?

*6 years is a very long duration to love someone, minus 3 years of my stupid phase – the boy who once heartbroken  :laugh: