Walking down the memory lane and miss D (please read)

Kadang-kala rasa menyesal, kadang-kala tak guna nak menyesal.Tapi aku nak menyesal juga,sebab apa?sebab pergi minum afogato malam semalam.Aku tahu kenapa anda tanya apasal aku menyesal.Sebabnya, sampai pukul 7 pagi ni aku punya mata segar-bugar, tak boleh nak tidur.

Semalam aku ternampak yang barista tu letak double shot untuk afogato aku, (selalunya satu je) jadi aku macam , alah relaks la, satu je lebih.kalau nak tahu banyak mana double shot, anda pernah tengok filem roang putih yang dia orang main minum arak dalam sekali teguk tu aka shots?cawan tu kecil tu, yang mengandungi espresso yang maha pekat,(kalau minum terus memang perit tekaklah).Jadi angkara nya,aku sampai sekarang tak tidur, so kepada sesiapa yang tak mahu tidur tu boleh lah cuba.Seriously, memang aku segar, bukan segar main-main, tapi memang semangatlah kalau ada orang nak ajak aku breakfast sekarang (6.57 am),

okey itu je nak cerita kbai.

hahaha. Sebenarnya , bila aku mata segar-bugar ni, aku rajin lah nak buat research.kadang-kala aku buat benda remeh-temeh je macam, cara nak buat cupcake valvet,atau bagaimana nak repair xbox,(which I succeeded,now I can hack those machine with ease,named it ,firmware,Error, Red Ring) tapi 3 ring tak dapat tolong lah, itu hardware failure.

Malam ni aku kaji pasal sama ada bbm boleh masuk dalam iPhone.Jawapan dia,ya dan tidak.Sebab apa?nanti aku cerita dalam entri akan datang.Dah baca tajuk besar tu kan?walking down the memory lane?faham maksud dia?aku tak ada pergi jalan mana-mana pun, tetap setia atas katil bercorak kuda belang ni cuma aku terbuat benda yang aku dah lama tak buat.Aku terbuka entri lama aku.The first entri yang aku buat,macam sajak tak sajak,berbaur cemburu.Entri tentang puteri.

Bila tengok balik, aku tak sangka yang aku pernah refer kan si Dia sebagai puteri dalam entri – entri aku.Sebab apa ?sebab kemudian aku tukar initial dia sebagai miss D.Ya tentang dia.Aku tahu mungkin ada menganggap buat apa nak singkap kembali kenangan lama, tapi bagi aku memori manusia bukanlah seperti memori telefon yang boleh diformat dan hilang begitu sahaja (although I have friends that claim he can retrieve those memories back).

Jadi entri demi entri aku singkap, sampaikan ,aku merasa, terlalu banyak entri aku tulis tentang dia.Bukan maksudnya setiap entri aku dituju kepada dia, tapi serba sedikit entri aku akan terselit dia.Mungkin makan bersama, msg, atau even teringatkan dia.Aku tak adalah singkap semua sekali cuma beberapa entri yang berada di bahagian pendahuluan blog sahaja (malas nak baca sebab kebanyakannya dalam bahasa english :-D ).

Bila terbaca je entri-entri lama, satu benda aku sedar.I really in love with this girl.Like seriously,maybe I was not the most romantic bf or the sweetest but when I read and saw those writing, it felt like I’m reading entries that was created by someone whose in love.’Gedik’ some might call it, but it doesn’t matter.I was happy at that time.Really I am. :-)).

Aku pernah terfikir, patut ke aku delete entry-entry yang terdahulu, sebab di penuhi dengan Dia,atau perlu ke aku delete akaun FB sebab ada dia?well if you asked me, I saw lots of people do that.They delete the whole blog and came up with the new one,or they simply create a new account for the sake,kononnya akaun lama banyak kawan dia, saudara dia.Jadi delete semua, delete.Nak delete senang tapi…

Boleh ke delete seseorang dalam hati kita?I tried, and I’ve failed.Trust me I do it.Dengan bersemangat waja dan kental lagi,tapi tak boleh.Like the saying goes “Trying to forget someone that you knew is like trying to remember someone you never met”.If I’m not in love, I must be crazy then.Words can’t express what you meant to me.

Ini bukan bermaksud apa-apa cuma,kadang-kala walking down those great and good times, it could put a smile upon your face.Cinta sebenarnya satu benda yang complex,tak ada guidelines yang boleh digunakan sebenarnya, sebab setiap jalan orang berbeza-beza.Kalau tak ,tak adalah orang sanggup jadi bini kedua, atau hidup dengan suami kaki botol, dan sebagainya.

Kalau aku nak delete, satu-persatu entri tentang nya dalam blog ni, lebih baik aku delete terus through my eyes.I admit, there’s some bad times too, but life isn’t perfect.I only know one way to maintain a happy blog, that is by lying through your teeth.So every entry has its own story.And if I altered it, I would be another story.I might just create a novel then.

What i was trying to say is, you don’t have to delete everything.let it become part of your history,you can’t change the past, but you can still hope for the future.

I know I’m not perfect, and i also know she’s not perfect.We both have our flaws.Too young maybe.Immaturity?possibly.I know we said things,did things,that we didn’t mean.We fall back into the same routines time by times, but your jealousy’s just as bad as my temper.maybe you gave up, maybe you give in.Only I still believe, a fool’s hope.

Sometimes, I might seems harsh, or sometimes maybe I’m seems heartless.But if you really want to see a heartless man, you should see me, one year after we ended.i give reason “I used my heart’s less”  but in reality no, I’m truly heartless.I hurt countless of people’s feeling.Turning into me into something I don’t want to be.Guess the impact was pretty……awful.

Seems like I’m afraid to let anyone get into my life too deeply.Cause in reality, I don’t think there’s anything left there.Deep?try hollow.Emptiness.But I’m getting better, I think.

It turns outyou can never truly hate the person you loved.

Okey I think this should ends here.

nak Tdo.

P.S I will never regret being with you… because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed ;-) .

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIUVj6Vxg0g