Night.Dark.Lonely.Sadness embraces me.Cold without the rain, how could it be?It’s not the body, it’s my emotion.I try to keep it a secret, but no, I did something foolish, I pour out everything.What did I expect from it?I don’t even know myself.First I thought it could wash out the pain, but it keeps hitting me harder than before.You should kept your silence, you shouldn’t pour it out to me.Let me imagine, let the curiosity continues, let the heart beating fast.At least, it beating…
You thought it was cruel to say such a word, you pour down to me with your dirty little secret,no, it’s not dirty,it’s just feeling.You said “Aren’t you proud?”,”Your nose is bigger right?”..The truth is, I didn’t know how to respond, I knew that I told you, I could read the signs,but when it came from your mouth ,it makes me stun.I’m speechless.For quite sometimes my brain was freeze as cold as 7 E Slurpee’s.The situation didn’t allowed me to act like I wanted to, and I was torn to act cool (told you I’m in a freeze state), or to tell what my heart felt.Act like puppet, I continue to play along, although it hurts so much when you said that “It doesn’t matter anymore’.If only you kept your silence,since the truth hurts.It hurts a lot.
The phone was ringing, and I picked it up to hear another voice at the other end of the phone.It’s you.Well, I know it’s you since your name pop up on my iPhone. The conversation starts.I try to act normal, I promise, I fake a smile don’t I?Only sometimes, promises are made to be broken.I can’t help it, what worse, It every pieces of my broken heart shattered into tiny little pieces when I heard you cried.Oh God, am I that awful,I’m hurting the sweetest thing on the map,I should be punished.1000 years of solitude can’t seems to be enough.You thought you hurt me, but the reality is I’m hurting myself.
My eyes burns suddenly without any valid reason.And before I knew it, one tiny drop of water running down through my white spectacles.Oh, i guess something went into my eyes, and they use their natural mechanism to wash it away.Maybe a dust, or sand, or little bug.Oh~ who am I kidding… myself obviously.Pretending something that it wasn’t real doesn’t make it fantasy.It only will become much more painful when you realize it later.
The God have plans for us.Yes of course, I truly believed it, If you don’t then you don’t believe in God.But, something good won’t happened on it’s own,we need to work for it.Do you expect it to fall off the sky?
This feeling is very tiresome and to great to bear. :-((
“Cinta takkan datang kalau tak di cari, Cinta takkan dapat kalau tidak memberi..”