I’m not heartless , I’m just trying to use my heart less.

Greetings fellow readers,

Ada pernah sesiapa terbaca quote yang di gunakan untuk tajuk kali ini?Kalau sesiapa yang rajin membaca, sudah tentu pernah terserempak dengan penyataan di atas.Kalau di fikirkan, sudah lama aku tidak menulis entri yang betul-betul layak di gelar entri.Jadi kali ini aku ingin luahkan sedikit apa yang sebenarnya di sebalik lelaki bertopeng putih.

Aku tahu ada yang perasan dengan sikap aku yang berubah sejak tahun lepas.Kalau dulu, jenis simpan sikit, tapi sekarang aku more direct.Salah satu habit Scorpio actually.Blame the zodiac, hahaha.Bukan percaya zodiac, tapi itu kan kajian tentang sifat dan kelakuan seseorang.

Dulu ambil kisah juga perasaan orang, tapi sekarang ini agak malas nak serabut pasal perasaan orang.Tak dapat apa-apa pun.”Yelah , awak sekarang kan nak kisah pasal perasaan sendiri je kan” kata Anym pada aku.Aku pernah cakap macam tu dekat anym lepas aku cerita tentang kisah kehancuran hati aku.Tapi dalam aku duk amalkan sikap gitu, still ramai yang mengambil berat pasal aku.kadang-kala rasa bersalah pula, but  I’m afraid to let anyone close to my heart anymore.Cukuplah sekali aku kena, tak mahu kena dah.

Bila duduk borak-borak, tertimbul kisah cinta kawan-kawan, aku agak negatif sikit.kalau dulu, aku selalu juga bagi kata-kata positif,percaya, trust, amanah,jujur, tapi sekarang dah lain.Aku teringat tiap-tiap kali yaya talks about things that I used to say,she looks at me, and I just smile, and she was like “haa, tak setuju lah tu,”.It’s kind of hard to say and believe in something that betrayed you in the end.

I thought I was the only one that feels that way, but when I told my stories to the guys, their experience its kinda worse than mine.That’s why most of them, end up being a player or just fooling around, breaking young girls heart.I remembered Paan told me when I told him I’m still in love with the who who crushed my heart into pieces, he said’ dari 100 orang lelaki, seorang je akan kata ko setia, 99 akan kata ko *&*&%#%W&#%”. I guess, heartbreak can really change some people.And I did.I didn’t choose to be heartless, but I try to use my heart less.The famous qoute,

“Don’t love too much, don’t expect too much, don’t miss too much,because if you did, in the end it will also hurt too much.

Although I may have said, that I didn’t believe in those positive lovey dovey, things like love,trust,and honesty,subconsciously , I still do.Because that is what I am.When I post about me being a scorpio and how I hate it, Paps said to me”why?we are the most passionate among them all, and we are loyal, that’s what make us special,you should be proud,”.I remembered papayun told me its gonna take atleast one and a half years for me to recover.

That’s the reason why.I’m not heartless you know.I just don’t want to hurt anybody.The pain that I felt, I never want anyone to feel the same.It’s horrible.But I guess it all ends now.

It change.

To all of those that I have hurt intentionally, or unintentionally.I’m sorry.I make mistakes,we all make mistake, life doesn’t come with an instruction.Thanks to my friends who still believes in me.

And I thank God, for these couple of months , I met a lots of friends.And I also met her :-D .

I remembered my grandma said ‘ 1 pergi ,10 mari,” kelakar pulak bila ingat.Tapi dia tak salah, lebih dari sepuluh mari sebenarnya.Even Aliff,my 7 year old cousin said “tak tahulah mana satu gf pae,banyak sangat” :-P

But I don’t need 10.

I just need one.

And it all starts with the letter R. ;-)